What do I do if I realize I’ve completely lost my own hobbies and interests?
Your weekends revolve around their hobbies. Your Spotify Wrapped is just their playlists. You’ve forgotten your favorite color, but you know theirs is “sage green.”
Losing yourself isn’t love—it’s self-erasure.
Marcus Aurelius ruled an empire but never lost sight of his inner citadel. Your soul isn’t a rental property. Let’s evict the squatters.
The Cost of Collapse
- Trigger: “What do you want to do?” → Panic → “Whatever you want!”
- Reaction: Interests buried. Opinions muted. Personality archived.
- Consequence: Resentment masquerading as devotion. A ghost piloting your life.
Tactic 1: The Identity Dig
“Dig within. Within is the wellspring of Good; and it is always ready to bubble up, if you just dig.” — Marcus Aurelius
You’re a stranger to yourself? Start digging.
- Physical: Recreate your 14-year-old self’s bedroom. Play their music. Journal their dreams. Note what still sparks joy.
- Mental: Ask: “If I died tomorrow, what would the eulogy miss because no one knew?”
Tactic 2: The “Selfish” Pact
Guilt gnawing? Carve the pact in stone. Literally. Find a stone, carve “i’m returning to me.”
- Physical: Block 90 minutes weekly as “Untouchable Me Time.” Use it to: – Take a pottery class. – Walk aimlessly. – Stare at walls. No justifications.
- Mental: When guilt whispers, “You’re abandoning them,” whisper back: “I’m returning to me.”
Tactic 3: The Boundary Bonfire
“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power or our will. ” — Epictetus
They protest your independence? Burn the old rules. They’re not serving you.
- Physical: Write their demands on paper. Burn them. Say: “My ‘no’ is my sovereignty.”
- Mental: For every “You’ve changed,” reply internally: “Thank you. I’m trying.”
Brutal Truth
You think losing yourself is love. Truth: It’s cowardice—fearing their disappointment more than your own extinction.
Stoic Protocol
- Dawn: 5 minutes of “unfiltered journaling” (write without editing—even if it’s “I hate kale”).
- Noon: 1 micro-rebellion (Order a drink they hate. Wear a clashing pattern).
- Dusk: 1 boundary upheld → 1 victory dance (literally).
Final Strike
A dormant volcano forgets its fire—
Until it chooses to erupt.
Lava cares not for the forest’s opinion.
It's in its nature to flow.